doctors & stuff

I really thought I'd be more or less okay by now. It seems like every time I eat, most of the time my body just gets "angry" I have to take something for the pain. I just have wonderful luck. The painkillers I was given make me sleep. I have so much stuff to do right now and if I don't eat every couple of hours I get extremely weak. So no matter what I do, I feel really crappy. I'd rather avoid painkillers and sometimes I do but when it gets really bad, and if I can actually walk and make it to the kitchen, being able to breathe again is pretty amazing. I think that's the worst part, the pain gets so bad it hurts to breathe so you can't even cry.

I tried to make an appointment with a regular doctor but it's almost impossible to get an appointment at this point. I have an appointment on Friday with the surgeon (which I made last Tuesday so the wait time is pretty intense for someone fresh out of the emergency room) so hopefully he can help me out. At this point I just want to get the surgery over and done with so I can have my life back. I said I wanted a break and some sleep but not this much. I'm worried that if I wait too long I'll have to have open surgery and the recovery time for that is a month. My mother told me if the pain is bad then just go back to the emergency room and have the surgery right then and there. Honestly, I'm scared. The more I think about it the more jittery I feel. I guess maybe that's way I want to meet the guy that's going to be doing the actual cutting first. And chances are I'll be going in alone. On one hand, I want to get it done now and not think about it and on the other hand I'd rather not do it at all.

I called a friend of mine and asked him to come drive up from Staten Island and stay with me next weekend so I could at least get some stuff done. It sucks not having a car.