The Odd One Out

I've always been the odd one out of my family. My parents always knew that I was special growing up. That's right, me, youngest of three children, only one of three siblings to be born right-handed, despise math, love art, and NOT attend Stuyvesant High School nor a private university. However, I've always embraced these aspects that separated me from my siblings. Yet, in some rare instances, I do wish I could fit in.

To this day, engineering and applied sciences are still male-dominated majors. During my two years at Stony Brook, any Computer Science class with %10 or more female enrollment is rare to come by. This wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that at times the atmosphere is very competitive/intimidating. Perhaps it's just me, but I have a gut feeling that to a certain extent, men have bias (whether it be conscious or subconscious) against women programmers/developers/engineers. Maybe it ties into our society's gender roles whereas men are stereotyped to be good at technical stuff like math/science, while women are better suited for humanities such as arts/english and now it's just been so ingrained into our craniums that it's difficult to think differently.

I cannot help but feel that I don't belong in this exclusive "Boy's Club" and am standing outside their boundary lines, just wandering -- watching, but not getting involved. Being consistently self-conscious, afraid to ask the wrong questions and appear as another "stupid" girl. It's times like this that I wish I could be just another guy.