Nostalgia Accompanies the Approach of Chinese New Year

This Thursday will be the Chinese New Year I have arranged my Spring 2011 courses around. With classes ending at 3:40pm I'll be able to catch the 4:17pm LIRR back into Brooklyn and arrive home at approximately 7pm. I'll be just in time to catch the reunion dinner with my parents and my idiotic brother. Despite being a goof, I do love him, but wouldn't admit it face-to-face because expressing deep emotions openly is a rare activity for my family, especially these days when I'm living independently, 2-3 hours away from home, and my brother is getting ready to embark on his own college journey.

It's disheartening to realize that as I age and explore different roads I lose the excitement I once had for celebrating Chinese New Year with my family and relatives. I recall waking up and dashing down the stairs to yell "Wishing you great happiness and prosperity," in exchange for two lucky red envelopes filled with green "Lincolns". However now, I lack the enthusiasm I had as a child. I no longer suffer from slight insomnia on Chinese New Year's Eve, feeling anxious about the next day. I don't throw my bed covers over my shoulders and jump out of bed at the sight of sunlight glaring through the glass. I don't glide down the stairs to surprise my parents, grandparents, uncles, and aunts with "Happy New Year," nor do I nag my mother to visit relatives on my father's side as soon as possible. I no longer listen to Chinese New Year melodies or hang up decorations. This cultural holiday seems to gradually lose its grip on my continuously wandering mind. My brain is instead filled with thoughts, dreams, goals, and worries about my future. Should I be a English high school teacher? A forensic scientist? How will I pay for college? Can I graduate in 4 years with a double major? Should I even double major? Do I want to go to graduate school? All these issues supersede Chinese New Year, which I grew up alongside with. It makes me nostalgic thinking about the celebration tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, I will appreciate it more than defining it as an excuse to receive money and to eat scrumptious dishes. It's an opportunity to spend some quality family time together, but only if the snow decides to play nice and allow trains to move. I'm crossing my fingers.