Selfish Woman

I can get jealous quite easily depending on what I am being provoked with. I have a problem of letting my female friends meet my guy friends. When I befriend a guy, I feel like there is a special connection between the two of us when we talk about various things. We have our own little moments whether one of us does something stupid or have very strange and random conversations, which are special to me. Almost every time I introduce him to one of my girl friends, it becomes a bit of a crowd because it would be the 3 of us or us and her friends and gets annoying that I lose that attention. I suddenly feel like a 3^rd wheel in the group and see how well they get along with each other that I start drifting apart from them. In some instances, one or the other develop an interest in him/her and sometimes move beyond that that it creates a sense of hate for the girl and further my resolve to prevent that from happening thereby keeping them to myself.

I had this happen to me during my sophomore year when I was introduced to my friend’s suitemate, Anthony. You can say it was a love at first sight moment where we shared the same interests in Japanese culture; he was funny, mature, smart, and cute. One day my friend asked if I wanted to come over to eat his food and then invited another friend of ours, Selia and innocently enough I was fine with it. However, when Anthony came into the living room, I immediately saw his eyes light up and obviously had an interest in her. His flirting was a bit too obvious and she went along with it. A few weeks later I went to his dorm to give him something and wasn’t too surprised to see her there as well. While he did tell me I could join them, the time I sat there with them was just too awkward and uncomfortable seeing how close they were getting even when I was there. I left and started feeling a sense of hate and annoyance to Selia.

The last half of the semester got better though. I discovered that most of the time he eats at Jasmine around the same time I ended my music class. We talked a lot about many things that range from school to some random topic to super powers to our intention in life. I kept this fact hidden from Selia because I wasn’t sure if her schedule corresponds to it. Even when he asked me to ask other to come to see his show later that day, I only told a few that wouldn’t be a problem and didn’t let her know about it. It turned out that I was the only one who went and we just sat next to each other, whispering our comments every now and then in the theater. I later found out that Anthony didn’t tell her about it at all, which was a surprise.

I don’t know if I will get over this possessive behavior because I don’t want to loosen my hold on them and possibly lose them forever.