Another blog about my parents

You know I always wondered why my mom didn't do the cool flipping thing with the pan that you see in all the cooking shows. I watched a lot of Iron Chef and Food Network and it always looked so bad ass. When I came back from Spring Break, my mom told me she was going under the knife, to remove a tumor. At that time I didn't really think nothing of it, because I trusted modern technology and medicine. She told me it's nothing major so I was not too worried. She was going to the hospital on Wednesday and was going to stay there for two days. Tuesday night, she was too tired to cook dinner because she had to rest for her surgery. So I volunteered to cook. She already prepared the ingredients anyways.
When I was cooking, it occurred me that it was impossible for her to do the cool flipping thing that you see on TV simply because there was too much food. The weight of the pan was heavy. That's when I felt it. I was worried even if it was nothing major. No one in my family went through surgery before and I didn't know what to expect. She did so much for me and my family that it just made me feel like I just couldn't pay her back. As I cooked, I thought about the times that was a rebel and disrespected my parents to no end. It made me hate myself a bit, because even though I was this way, my parents continued to just push me further, with everything in their power, be that it was painful, or hard. Chinese parents are like this, and it is sad I could not be a Chinese child ingrained with filial piety and with the purpose in life to be successful. I don't know how I can repay my parents. I was always lax in terms of studying. I didn't get the grades that I should've and it just made me feel like I was undeserving of my parents' love.
Today when she came back from the hospital, she looked so frail. I didn't know what to say, but she looked at me and smiled. It hurt because I knew she was hurting. I poured her a cup of tea and helped her to the couch. I hope I can be a better son in the future.