more bad news

Just when I thought my year couldn't get any more difficult...

I found out a man I've known since I was about 6 years old passed away recently. I saw him at least once a week for roughly ten years until I moved to NY. I knew he was sick and he was in the hospital last year but no one told me anything. I guess my mother figured my grandmother told me and my grandmother thought my mother clued me in... well no... thanks guys.

I told one of my friends about it and he told me to "get over it" and that I can't be upset for long... oh and my favorite "at least he led a full life." Seriously?! it doesn't matter how long he's lived, there's nothing "at least" about death... EVER. What kind of person says something like that? That's the reason I'd rather not tell people anything. Apparently even death is no big deal. I've been going through old photographs from my childhood and in so many ways I'm still very much like the younger version of myself (?). Things like death still hit me extremely hard. I spent this past week sitting in my apartment avoiding phone calls, and actually electronics in general. My mother told me what happened Sunday night.

So far this year I've dealt with two deaths of people I've known most of my life, my mother getting horribly sick and ending up in the hospital and my surgery. Sprinkle in some family drama and tears and that's my year (so far).

I understand why sometimes family members keep stuff from other people in the family but expecting I found out anyway and then casually mentioning it in conversation is not nice. I'm having a rough year so far.

I have no idea what number post this is.