surgery plans

So they moved up my surgery.. I'm having it this Wednesday.

Things are just really tough at home. With my grandmother losing her best friend and my surgery, we're all suffering. Now I just want to get it over with so no one has to worry anymore. I feel like the more I think about it the more worried I get but at this point, I don't have a choice. I found out on Friday and I really wanted to enjoy my weekend but I got some very bad news. It's just been a very rough year.

All I hear is people telling me that I'll be okay and it's no big deal and then I remember the surgeon saying the complications could be "horrendous." It's still surgery any way you look at it. I'd really love to tell them to stop telling me not to worry and that its no big deal, it makes me feel like it's stupid that I'm concerned. Maybe it's okay for them, by my body is still going to be cut into.

I think there such a thing as knowing too much. I think I'm well versed in basic medical knowledge and I know about quite a few medications but now imagining what could happen is making me worry. Right now, I'd rather not know anything about that kind of stuff. I think I'd be able to breathe a little easier. But no, I know exactly what they're going to do and how, and all that extra stuff. They say that doctors make the worst patients... I disagree.. premed students make the worst patients. We know enough but not as much as doctors. I guess that way we draw more conclusions even though they may not be correct. I just have to become friendly with a nurse I guess. For some reason I get along with them and my mother says I bat my eyelashes at them. But I think I'm like that by nature. I enjoy talking to people. The doctors are usually running some where so I can't really blame them, I can understand that. But the nurses are usually pretty nice, well the ones I met are nice.


I have to go get my pre-op tests done tomorrow. More blood work for me I guess and another sonogram. At least my mother is going to be there when I get the surgery. She's coming on Tuesday to make sure I'm okay. I really don't feel well now so I wonder how I'll be then.

#19?