Forgetfulness

There are many things that I have forgotten over the years. The most common memory loss that I have is what I learned in school especially when exams come up. Being drilled in a variety of subjects and retaining it while trying to fill in memories that have an emotional impact on you makes a big mess in your head. I feel the brain chooses what it likes to keep and not as stressful to think therefore it kicks the others towards the edge of a cliff. As more and more piles up, it starts leaning towards the edge and bits and bits starts to fall over. It keeps the most treasured memories in a chest locked away in another room. That’s the beginning of how the most essential subjects magically disappear. However some of them are lucky and stay within the doorway when we hear, see, or listen to something familiar and subconsciously try to remember it 100% or less.

While losing memories of what I have learned in school will haunt me some day, I’m more afraid of losing the fun, the sad, and even the bad memories that have occurred in 22 years of my life. I’m afraid of forgetting people’s voices, faces, and how they were a part of my life. It happened very recently when I went to the ceremony to pay my respects to my ancestors and those who have passed away in my family. Before we went to my grandfather’s grave site, we moved the food offerings to another grave however I couldn’t remember who it was. I thought it was someone that I haven’t met before until I heard one of my relatives’ names that I realized who it was. This grave was my 2^nd grandaunt (not sure how to translate it from Chinese) and she was one of the nicest people I knew. She would always give me some little trinkets when I was little, give me hugs, or talk to me now and then even when my Chinese was very limited. She was some special that I knew growing up. I wanted to kick myself for forgetting who she was when I stood at her grave, clueless. Other important people that seem to be fading away are my grandfather and my aunt.

The only thing that keeps them alive is the old videos on VHS where I can still see and hear them. Pictures of them can help but at the same time, make it a little hard to remember the full details of the event. How long can our brain keep these precious memories until it is filled over capacity that it needs to remove some to make room for new ones? If only there was a mind reading device that can record your memories and save it on your computer that can accessed anytime. But until then I’ll continue writing them down and pray my mind will still be able to visualize it when I read it in the future.