The Major Question..

Once again it's time to register for the fall semester. In planning out what dec's to take for next semester there's something else, rather important, that I should figure out soon. I need to decide what to major in. I admit it's not something I should worry that much about, but at the same time it's been bothering me that I don't know what to major in. Okay that's a lie I know what I want to major in, but I'm afraid to do so.

I want to major in Studio Art, but I'm afraid that I don't have what it takes to do. I'm also afraid career wise. I mean just because one majors in art doesn't mean that I'll get to work in the arts. Heck for all I know I could end up with a job that I have no knowledge of and be stuck with it for the rest of my life. Even in the event of working in something art related I'll probably be struggling considering what I really want to do (make comics).

But then again I won't know for sure if I don't try. And I mean it is something that I love to do, even if I'm not the best at it. I still have time, and I can always change my major. Who knows the future has in store for me. Though I'll in the end I'll persevere and I'll manage..somehow.

biggest fear

I was inspired by someone else's blog about their greatest fear. I thought this would make them feel better, my biggest fear is the Atlantic ocean. Why not the pacific? Idk.. but I have nightmares about the Atlantic. I can't finish the movie Titanic without nightmares, now I know this sounds crazy because well it is. I don't plan on taking a boat to england anytime soon, but the truth is even if I won a free trip I'd have to give it away. Even the thought of a cruise makes me nervous. It's the depth of the ocean that scares me. The cold water, the feeling of isolation in something vast, maybe my dreams are trying to tell me something larger than the ocean. I can never even think about going to europe because the plane would have to fly over the ocean.. I'm fucked because I'm a history major, it is my dream to see the world and it's ancient artifacts.
I know that the open water without view of land across or dept below is what really is the terrifying part. Am I afraid to be alone? or is that fact that if you are stranded in the atlantic there is no surviving? I don't think it's being alone because I treasure being alone. Solitude is my haven. So I regress, why the ocean?

I tried to figure out dream interpretation this is what I found..
All life originated in the ocean. Especially in Jungian interpretation, this is a place of creativity, fertility, and birth. There is also a lingering sense humans have of rising up out of the collective origins of life in the oceans. It is easy to see the Darwinian influence of these ideas. More importantly, it is easy to see the lack of connection some dreamers could have with this approach to dream interpretation.
To dream of seeing the ocean so shallow as to allow wading, or a view of the bottom, signifies prosperity and pleasure with a commingling of sorrow and hardships.

so I am destined for a hardhship life but I will prosper? GREAT.

Art, you amaze me as well as frighten me

I love art. I really love art. I'm at my happiest when I am drawing something especially when it's a cartoon character. Though I love doing anything that is related to art. With that said, when some of my friends ask what my major is,when I reply " I'm undecided" they are rather shocked.
This is understandable as one would think that I should major in art as well, but there's a problem. I am afraid to do so. I'm afraid of doing art for the rest of my life. I realize this is counter to what I've just said about adoring art, however I'm afraid of the uncertainty that comes with it. I'm afraid of putting myself out there.
I realize that just by majoring in art does not equal that I will I will necessary get a job in the art field. I mean I could do something completely unrelated like become a psychiatrist. Though there is a part of me who wants to do so, to do something that I really love.