Caitlin Richards 7

Hola Hombres,

heads up, this is a long one, so don't feel like you need to read.

I'm a in weird place right now, not really a bad place or a great place, a weird place. idk i feel like in the belly button of life recently.

I made it through probably one of the scariest and most serious times of my life these past few months. I will maybe go into more detail about it later, but for the last few months of 2010, I was potentially really sick. (side note, i don't like the term sick, it's so dismal, lets say i was potentially screwed for awhile.) For those who know me, not richards, for those who know Caitie. They know, I don't like to show sadness, or let my anger get of control, or really be weak in front of anyone. I just like to be happy, I have no problem getting choked up for the people I love when they got ish, just I don't get choked up about me.

Thankfully, I made it through the woods, and I found out 2days after christmas that I had a clean bill of health. Only about a handful of people knew about it, and actually it was a weird handful. Not the typical people you would tell. However, if any of those who knew, are reading this, you have no idea how deeply you helped me, truly i am forever grateful (lemme know if i can throw you a blowy or something sometime). I digress. For instance my mom only knew that I was worried about being sick, I never told her that I had tests and appointments for a bunch of months, i'm not even sure if my dad knew. idk i just don't like to be a burden to people. The scariest parts were the waiting I guess. Because I had to switch insurance from Jersey (shout out to my home state) to new york there was a period of about 4 weeks where I wasn't getting any answers. That month sucked sweaty ass. Some people could tell that I was a little off, but for the most part I tried to remain my loud, upbeat self.

It's not something I like to talk about, but It's something I haft to be responsible about. Because what i could get is pretty prominent in my family history on both sides, I have a better chance of being screwed. However for now I am happy and healthy ( i just looked over and my sudo sister ej was bumpin to some ill, music, so it made me smile). Im keepin up with my medicine and vitamins so I hope I'll be good. It's just all surreal, I was really really concerned for awhile, then relieved, but still on the lookout since the doctor's said i have about a 70% chance of getting screwed at some point in my life. Fuck screwed, I hate it, and its dumb and its ugly, and its a super sneaky bastard. If I ever even see Screwed again, I'm giving it a swift kick to the cackles.

For right now I'm just gonna ride life out, like a majestic dragon on the grounds of Hogwarts.