Earl and Green

I haven’t had sex with my boyfriend since Tuesday.

I met him about month and a half ago. I can’t remember. I’m horrible with remembering these sorts of things. At first I wasn’t sure if I’d like him. He had the classically good-looks and was charming. He was very royal as well, coming from England and all. He was popular with the ladies and even men.

Of all the men there, he was the one that was always surrounded by the girls. What a chick magnet.

He caught me eye. We flirted. But that was it. I didn’t want to spend money. Relationships make you fat and poor. True story.

But I craved him. I wanted to see him again and to get more from him.

And so I went and saw him the next time. I don’t know when. I forgot what time it was. I don’t even know who I was with.

Every time I went to go see him, it was great sex. It was passionate. It was satisfying. Afterwards, I leave. I ain’t stayin’ for no cuddlin’ nor small chit-chat, bitch. I get paid to talk at work. So I ain’t talking to you.

Anyway…

I’ve been loyal for the last 7+ (I can’t remember how many times I’ve gone to see him) times we met. But a few weeks ago this one other guy, let’s call him Green, and I started flirting. I noticed him the first day I met Earl but Earl was much more attractive at the time. Green was annoying. He was everywhere. And a bit too stoic. Earl had the personality.

But then Earl and I had a fight. I was seeing him too much. I didn’t like that so I stopped. He didn’t like that so we argued.

The next time I was on my way to see Earl, Green and I bumped into each other. We ended up making out.

It was nice.

But I continued on to Earl where I knew I’d definitely be satisfied. This time, there was no talking involved at all. I didn’t even have to pay.

The next and last time was the next day, Tuesday. It was a lazy, rainy-weather day. I was bored. I had just finished eating lunch and decided I needed some satisfaction so I went to his place, did the deed, and left shortly afterwards.

I broke up with him that day. The relationship was draining me… draining me of my money and of my health. The more I spent time with Earl, the more weight I felt like I was gaining. The more time I spent with him, the less money I had.

Green was the same. He was refreshing. He was somewhat different from Earl though. But in the end, the men are all the same. They fatten you up and rob you of your money.

And so, I’m taking a break.

Note: Earl is Earl Grey ice cream from Coldstone and Green is Green Tea. My friends and I joked about it saying that to some girls, having ice cream is like having sex to guys.